The internet has many benefits as a learning tool, a way for people across the globe to connect and for some to pursue their dreams in ways not previously possible. But the internet also has its drawbacks. Sometimes things can be published for the entire world to see that are so fundamentally wrong that one must speak up. For the sake of those in society who don't have a voice, one must point out a correction to right an obvious and terrible wrong.
I am of course referring to the latest pro sports mascot rankings released by Deadspin on Friday afternoon. In light of Mr. Met being fired by the New York Mets for losing his cool and flicking off a fan, Deadspin compiled a list of the 70 best mascots in professional sports. It was a great idea.
The Deadspin staff came up with a rating system where each mascot was scored on a scale of 1 to 10. Ironically, Mr. Met came in first with a 9.13 rating. The Phillie Phanatic, a furry green native of the Galapagos Islands who represents the Philadelphia Phillies, came in second. The Phanatic probably should have been first, but that's an argument for another day.
Here's where they lost me and so many out there who enjoy the miming, dancing adult-sized muppets who entertain us at sporting events: G-Wiz of the Wizards is shockingly low.
They have G-Wiz all the way down at 64th with a 2.80 rating. It's just not right.
Look at G-Wiz's story and you find out why he is special. This isn't your ordinary mascot.
According to G-Wiz's official online biography, the Wizards' mascot first had dreams of playing in the NBA. He - the website refers to him as 'he,' which may settle some debates - actually tried out for the team, but they didn't have any room on the roster. So, instead of feeling blue and sinking into depression, G-Wiz channeled those emotions into an audition as the mascot. It was there that he found his calling. The rest is history.
Consider the credentials G-Wiz brings with him. According to his bio, "G-Wiz recovered from the rejection and focused on his school work. He graduated early with a PhD in Dancing, Bachelor of Science in Acrobatics and a Minor in Magic. Mamma and Pappa-Wiz were so proud of their son for all of his hard work."
The only D.C. mascot ahead of G-Wiz on the list is Screech of the Nationals. He's one spot ahead at 63rd. And in front of them are a few no-names that make you scratch your head and wonder why G-Wiz, who is famous for his belly-shaking, was snubbed behind them.
Raymond, the Tampa Bay Rays mascot? T-Rac of the Tennessee Titans? Slamson of the Sacamento Kings? Wow, a lion that dunks. So original. Never seen that one before.
Do any of those mascots have a PhD in dancing? I didn't think so.
Now, this is not to say G-Wiz should be atop the list. A top 20 ranking would probably suffice. But to not even have G-Wiz as the top-ranked mascot in D.C. is a slap in G-Wiz's furry blue snout.
G-Wiz is obviously the best mascot in D.C. The rest of them are all eagles. Screech is an eagle. Slapshot of the Capitals is an eagle. Talon of the D.C. United is an eagle. American University has an eagle. Too many eagles!
Georgetown University has an actual dog, which is awesome. It can ride a skateboard, and that is cool. But G-Wiz can ride a dirtbike. Can Jack the Bulldog do that?
It's time people give G-Wiz the respect he deserves. He literally doesn't have a voice, so somebody had to speak up.