The NFL Draft has ended. It's over! I will eventually stop twitching when I hear someone brag about how their Big Board was marginally less wrong than everyone else's Big Board, but we'll get there together. Congrats to every single NFL team, all of which got tremendous value from every single one of their picks. It's wild; each late-round pick this year was a steal. Just historic stuff. 

And even though everyone's a winner before they make their new football players play football, an article called "Winners & Winners" just doesn't have the same fun ring to it. So here are the 2020 NFL Draft winners and losers:


Kliff Kingsbury

Show me someone who wouldn't live in this house, and I'll show you a liar. This is a house Vinny Chase would live in after shooting Aquaman but before Medellín.

Nike, Bill Belichick's dog 

A good boy. 

The SEC West

Next time you complain about a bias just remember that yeah, there is, and this is why. 

The Dolphins 

Tanking for Tua worked, and they didn't have to mortgage the farm to trade up for him, either. Shout out, faulty hips! OL's Austin Jackson and Robert Hunt were great picks, too. 

The Cardinals

See Kingsbury, Kliff. But also, see Isaiah Simmons, Josh Jones and the second-round pick they used to get DeAndre Hopkins. 

Andy Reid, man. 

Andy Reid, man. 


The Packers 

Green Bay was ON ONE this draft. Like, what in the world: 

They also pissed off Aaron Rodgers and, needing a wide receiver in the absolute worst way, decided that none of the 31 WRs in what was widely considered one of the deepest classes of all time was worth picking. But otherwise! 

Matt Nagy 

Do not let anyone tell you this is normal, or just a football guy thing. It's neither. 

Bill Belichick 

The dog stunt played. The draft, less so: 

Any time you can take a kicker covered in really problematic tattoos in the fifth round, you just have to. 

CeeDee Lamb's future with this nice lady: 

Is it even a burner if you're just openly holding it in your other hand?

Jake Fromm 

The fall was harsh. Backing up Josh Allen in Buffalo may be harsher.