Poppycock. Malarkey. Tomfoolery. Hogwash. Gobbledygook. A big ol’ bowl of mumbo jumbo.
There are not enough (publishable) Joe Biden-isms in the dictionary to describe the NBA’s H-O-R-S-E tournament, which aired on ESPN Sunday evening. The broadcast feeds — hammered into our skulls through, to put it diplomatically, spotty Wifi — were equal parts choppy, blurry and warbled. The shots were largely unimaginative. When the trash-talk was intelligible, it was tempered.
And yet, with no live sports available in the ether, all of NBA Twitter was glued to it. Chicago sports Twitter, specifically, to learn the fates of Zach LaVine of the Bulls and Allie Quigley of the Sky.
So let’s get to Chicago’s finest. LaVine made quick work of Paul Pierce, shutting him out in the quarterfinals. And to ESPN’s credit, Pierce was the most hysterical opponent for LaVine — the most athletic player in the competition — to have. Pierce did manage one backboard-ball-tap to reverse layup at the outset, but promptly clanked a between the leg scoop off the backboard, and later completely flubbed an above-the-rim lay-in (not a dunk!) that LaVine made with ease.
If Pierce’s lumbering strides, pancake-flat jumpshots and incredulity at LaVine's athletic feats weren’t enough (the shots in this matchup were actually pretty creative), the Celtics legend’s son provided us with some chuckles, too:
I have to admit, this matchup was actually pretty entertaining — from an unintentional comedy perspective if nothing else. The house tours were fun, too.
Quigley, meanwhile, proved her mettle in her matchup with Chris Paul. The Sky star canned every breed of jumper under the sun, including a patented Pistol Pete sit-down banker to bolster an early lead. Paul hung in admirably, and the two traded a handful of makes with the Thunder star down to his final letter, but he eventually fell H-O-R-S-E to H-O-R.
NBA
This matchup provided by far the best collective shot-making of the two hours, and Quigley is an absolute surgeon. She looked that part of a two-time 3-point contest champion in this one, all while maintaining relatively lively banter with Paul that was genuinely compelling.
Overall, the second hour was better than the first, even if the totality of the event amounted to a slog. And ESPN does deserve some modicum of credit for throwing stuff out there. These are unprecedented times, and the flashes of entertainment embedded deep, deep into this broadcast are probably enough to build on.
Moreover, Teams LaVine and Quigley march on to the semifinals (to face each other!) on Thursday evening. We’re riding with.
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