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Mike Clevinger has some deep thoughts about athleticism and, um, nipples

Cleveland Indians Photo Day

GOODYEAR, AZ - FEBRUARY 21: Mike Clevinger #52 of the Cleveland Indians poses for a portrait at the Cleveland Indians Player Development Complex on February 21, 2019 in Goodyear, Arizona. (Photo by Rob Tringali/Getty Images)

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I’m not given a commission by anyone for selling subscriptions to The Athletic. I mean, sure, for a lot of reasons I want that publication to do well. I have many friends who work for it and I think, for the most part, it does good work. But on some level they’re my competition, so I’m not gonna lay my life down for them to succeed or anything.

But I will link a story that, if you have sort of heart and brain, you will want to read. You will want to read it because it deals with some cosmic issues that all of us wrestle with on a daily basis.

Well, most of us.

Some of us.

OK, maybe just Indians pitcher Mike Clevinger.

Zack Meisel writes the story which is, ostensibly, about pitcher fielding drills. About how pitchers need to do them all spring, over and over again, in order for them to become automatic. Pitchers hate them, but they know how necessary they are. To deal with it all, they make a competition out of it. They go for bragging rights about who is the best athlete among the pitchers and all of that.

As athletes, they are super competitive. So even if they are outclassed in one area of competition, they may argue that, in reality, they are the best. To that end, Clevinger responded to teammate Shane Beiber’s claim that Beiber, and not Clevinger, is the best athlete because Beiber is the better hitter. Here’s Clevinger’s response:

“My exact comment to him,” Clevinger said, “is, ‘OK, put LeBron James in a batter’s box. Is he not an athlete? Because I guarantee he won’t look pretty against big-league pitching. Is he still an athlete? He’s still the best in the world, actually.’ So his argument’s not that logical. It’s like a vegan saying you can’t drink milk — do animals drink other animals’ milk? No, because they don’t have the thumbs to milk their nipples. Of course not. But if they did, do you know what a dog would be doing every f***ing day?”

Makes you think.

Anyway: subscribe to The Athletic. It’s worth it for that kind of stuff.

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