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Baseball’s Most Handsome Managers

Minnesota Twins v Detroit Tigers

DETROIT, MICHIGAN - SEPTEMBER 26: Manager Rocco Baldelli of the Minnesota Twins looks on from the dugout during the second inning while playing the Detroit Tigers at Comerica Park on September 26, 2019 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)

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SAN DIEGO -- Once upon a time Brad Ausmus was the undisputed Most Handsome Manager in Baseball. But when he was fired by the Tigers it felt like Napoleon being exiled to Elba.

But then he came back with the Angels last year! And, like Napoleon taking control of the The Grande Armée in 1815, he returned to the top of these rankings!

Sadly, like Napoleon in 1815, he was quickly banished again, fired by Los Angeles after just one season. When you’re fired by the Angels you may as well be on Saint Helena. I suspect and fear that, like Napoleon in France, we shall never see Brad Ausmus here again.

Which is for the best. Both for the 30 teams in Major League Baseball -- Ausmus is cute but he ain’t much of a manager -- and for the vitality of these rankings.

New blood is important. Progress is important. Just as France had to show that it could live among the major nations of the world without Napoleon’s will to make it so, the Baseball’s Most Handsome Managers rankings must live on without the man who first inspired it and who would become its greatest champion to show that it is a living, breathing institution instead of some cult-of-personality-based bit of ephemera.

Luckily for us, big league clubs keep hiring some fine lookin’ dudes.

When I started these rankings back in 2013, some of the men in the bottom third of the list were in the top third. They didn’t get any less handsome. They just fell because most of the men who have been hired over the past six years have been -- by historical managerial standards anyway -- ridiculously good looking men. The competition is so much tougher now. A fairly good looking manager by, say, 1995 standards taking on almost any of today’s skippers would be like Napoleon’s Grande Armée attacking the current United States Army.

But don’t take just my word for that. Let’s look at all 30 dashing managers and rank them by handsomeness.

But first, the usual disclaimers:


  • No baseball manager is ugly. All of them have inner beauty, I’m sure. More to the point, reporters have taken to asking managers near the bottom of these rankings how it feels to be called “ugly.” Please don’t do that, members of the working press. I am not ranking ugliness. I am ranking handsomeness. Just as being the 25th man on a roster means you’re one of the best baseball players on the planet, being the 30th-most-handsome manager means you’re . . . wait, that analogy is starting to break down. Let’s move on.
  • This is a subjective list, obviously. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I will privately judge you for thinking unattractive managers are handsome, but that reflects poorly on me, not you. Let no one besides you dictate your feelings.
  • Finally, because some of you will inevitably offer a neanderthal comment about all of this, let me head it off by assuring you that this is merely a list of aesthetic handsomeness, not one of love or longing. I hate that even in 2019 I feel as though I have to say it, but I will say that I am a totally straight man making these judgments. If you find something wrong or amiss with that, I feel sorry for you. There is far too much beauty among people in the world for us to fail to acknowledge 50% of it merely because we’re worried about appearing less than traditionally masculine or feminine. Free your mind, the rest will follow.

The rankings:

1. Rocco Baldelli, Twins

As you probably guessed from the photo up above, we have a new Most Handsome Manager. A couple of things put Baldelli on top.

For one thing, I caught all kinds of hell last year for ranking him fourth. No, working the judges (well, judge) does not guarantee results. Indeed, I actually tend to downgrade guys when their fans nag me about it. But it does make me take a closer look at them to make sure I didn’t miss something, and I have concluded that, yep, I totally missed something with Baldelli.

Minnesota Twins Photo Day

FORT MYERS, FLORIDA - FEBRUARY 22: Rocco Baldelli #5 of the Minnesota Twins poses for a portrait during Minnesota Twins Photo Day on February 22, 2019 at Hammond Stadium in Fort Myers, Florida. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

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Jeepers creepers, where’d ya get them peepers, Rocco?

I will also note that I recently determined that I have been grading bald men too harshly in these rankings. Which is ironic given that I am myself a bald man. Probably something I need to take up with my therapist. For now, though, let us appreciate Baldelli’s baldness:

2019 ALDS Game 1 - Minnesota Twins v. New York Yankees

BRONX, NY - OCTOBER 04: Minnesota Twins manager Rocco Baldelli #5 speaks to the press prior to the ALDS Game 1 between the Minnesota Twins and the New York Yankees at Yankee Stadium on Friday, October 4, 2019 in the Bronx borough of New York City. (Photo by Alex Trautwig/MLB Photos via Getty Images)

MLB Photos via Getty Images

Most bald guys would have the cap on for the pregame presser. Not Rocco. He’s just that damn confident. “God only made so many perfect heads and the rest he covered up with hair,” my bald grandfather used to say. He was also a Teamster who thought Jimmy Hoffa should be president and he used to say a lot of super bigoted things about European hockey players while watching Red Wings games, but I think that bald thing was a salvageable observation.

2. Mike Matheny, Royals

Matheny was, at one time, Baseball’s Most Handsome Manager. The latter portion of his tenure in St. Louis -- and the ascent of Gabe Kapler -- knocked him down a peg, but he’s still, quite obviously, one of the best-looking men to ever manage a baseball team. Know what would ensure that he was number one again? If the Royals would let him manage in a suit and tie, Tom Landry-style. Check out the first few seconds of this video from his introductory press conference, before he puts on the jersey. The man can wear a suit:

We’ll see some other examples of how being out of a baseball uniform can make a manager look way better.

And by that I mean “out of a baseball uniform and into other, non-baseball clothes.” Get your minds out of the gutter, you degenerates.

3. Gabe Kapler, Giants

Gabe Kapler

The closest thing Major League Baseball has to a male model slips another spot in the rankings this year. We’ve discussed this in the past: the strain of the job takes some of the shine off a guy. So too does being fired. Unless you’re Brad Ausmus, you’re a tad less handsome the second time around. On the bright side, though, going from the one-time 30th-ranked manager in the game in Bruce Bochy to Kapler is a massive, massive improvement.

Of course, if you’re more of a fan of Giants baseball than you are of managerial handsomeness, you’re really gonna wish you had Bochy back this year, methinks.

4. Kevin Cash, Rays

Houston Astros v Tampa Bay Rays

ST. PETERSBURG, FL - APRIL 23: Manger Kevin Cash #16, right, of the Tampa Bay Rays and bench coach Tom Foley #6 look on from the dugout before the first inning of a game against the Houston Astros on April 23, 2017 at Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, Florida. (Photo by Brian Blanco/Getty Images)

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Most of the photos you find of Cash show him with about a three-day growth of gray stubble that does not do him any favors. When he breaks out the Mach 3 and Barbasol, however, good things happen.

5. Craig Counsell, Brewers

2019 NL Wild Card - Milwaukee Brewers v. Washington Nationals

WASHINGTON, DC - OCTOBER 01: Manager Craig Counsell #30 of the Milwaukee Brewers talks to the media prior to the NL Wild Card game between the Milwaukee Brewers and the Washington Nationals at Nationals Park on Tuesday, October 1, 2019 in Washington, District of Columbia. (Photo by Alex Trautwig/MLB Photos via Getty Images)

MLB Photos via Getty Images

How does this guy turn 50 next season?! There are pre-arbitration players who look older than he does. He’s the Dick Clark of major league managers.

6. Carlos Beltrán, Mets

2019 CC Sabathia Celebrity Softball Game

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 16: Carlos Beltrán attends CC Sabathia Celebrity Softball Game at Yankee Stadium on May 16, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Cassidy Sparrow/Getty Images)

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Beltran has always been a damn handsome man, but he has made some questionable fashion choices in his past. Anyone remember this look back when he played for the Mets?

Beltran

We all have our awkward phases, especially when we’re young. He’s cleaned it up quite nicely in recent years.

Anyway, Mets fans thought I underrated Mickey Calloway for a long time, and maybe I did, so here’s hoping they’re happier now. Though I suppose they would take the ugliest manager in baseball if he knew how to properly handle a bullpen.

7. David Bell, Reds

I did Bell a grave disservice ranking him as low as I did last year. It was based primarily on the only available photo of him after he was hired, taken during his introductory press conference and it was not a flattering photo. After a year with him, however, I think he’s very much like the Cincinnati Reds team that he manages: maybe not the best, but always kind of interesting in a fun way:

Cleveland Indians v Cincinnati Reds

CINCINNATI, OH - JULY 06: Cincinnati Reds manager David Bell looks on during a game against the Cleveland Indians at Great American Ball Park on July 6, 2019 in Cincinnati, Ohio. Cleveland won 7-2. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images)

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That’s some good hair, man. And he’s got a Lou Gehrig vibe going. Solid as hell.

8. Joe Girardi, Phillies

Joe’s back. And so is that jawline:

American League Championship Series Game Six: New York Yankees v. Houston Astros

HOUSTON, TX - OCTOBER 20: Manager Joe Girardi #28 of the New York Yankees is seen before Game 6 of the American League Championship Series against the Houston Astros at Minute Maid Park on Friday, October 20, 2017 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Cooper Neill/MLB via Getty Images)

MLB via Getty Images

And like Matheny he should also be allowed to manage in a suit:

David Cones 20th Anniversary of the Perfect Game

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - JUNE 19: Joe Girardi (R) attends David Cone’s 20th Anniversary of the Perfect Game on June 19, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for The David Cone Foundation Gala)

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9. Torey Lovullo, Diamondbacks

San Diego Padres vs. Arizona Diamondbacks

PHOENIX, AZ - SEPTEMBER 10: Manager Torey Lovullo #17 of the Arizona Diamondbacks smiles prior to an MLB game at Chase Field on September 10, 2017 in Phoenix, Arizona. (Photo by Sarah Sachs/Arizona Diamondbacks/Getty Images)

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When you do photo searches for managers in the sports media databases to which I have access, the vast, vast majority of the results are either (a) a manager, looking out of the dugout onto the field with a tense expression; (b) a manager on the field arguing with an umpire; or (c) a manager with a scrunched up face or talking during a press conference which has the effect of making them look slack-jawed. Which is to say that, to the extent I can ever find photos of happy, smiling managers, it greatly enhances their prospects for this feature.

There are some managers for whom it’s almost impossible to find smiling photos. Torey Luvollo has a LOT of them, actually. He smiles during press conferences more than most and there are a good number of photos of him smiling or laughing in the dugout as well. That suggests to me a guy with a good nature and some good perspective and that kind of balance is an attractive feature in my view.

10. Derek Shelton, Pirates

You may consider this a surprisingly high ranking for the new Pirates skipper, especially considering that, because he’s been a bench coach the last couple of years, most of the photos which accompanied his hiring were of him yelling at the field during a Twins game in the way that bench coaches tend to do (i.e. a half-step behind the manager, but able to be a bit more vociferous since the umpire isn’t paying as much attention to him). Not a great look for anyone.

But he cleans up nicely:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5obWszhNVw/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Also,

Kansas City Royals v Minnesota Twins

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - AUGUST 02: Derek Shelton #8 of the Minnesota Twins looks on before the game against the Kansas City Royals on August 2, 2019 at Target Field in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Twins defeated the Royals 11-9. (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)

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He’s got a sort of Jeff Bridges vibe which always works and I’m rather intrigued by the ink on his left arm. I don’t know what it says -- and I’m not sure I have the guts to ask him, because it may be very personal -- but it suggests some soul and introspection which always wears well on a person.

Seriously, though: if someone does track this down and it turns out to be, like, the lyrics to “Working for the Weekend” by Loverboy or something, just don’t tell me, OK? I want to assume it’s inspirational and cosmic.

11. David Ross, Cubs

Ross the player:

Boston Red Sox v Atlanta Braves

LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL - MARCH 30: Catcher David Ross #8 of the Atlanta Braves watches his team from the dugout against the Boston Red Sox during a Grapefruit League Spring Training Game at Disney Wide World of Sports Champion Stadium on March 30, 2009 in Lake Buena Vista, Florida. (Photo by J. Meric/Getty Images)

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Ross after he retired:

David Ross Book Signing for "Teammate" at Barnes & Noble

TALLAHASSEE, FL - JUNE 15: Former MLB Catcher David Ross poses after a signing for his book, “Teammate” at the Barnes & Noble at the Centre on June 15, 2017 in Tallahassee, Florida. (Photo by Don Juan Moore/Getty Images)

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Ross the manager:

Chicago Cubs Introduce David Ross - News Conference

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - OCTOBER 28: David Ross, new manager of the Chicago Cubs talks to the to the media during a press conference at Wrigley Field on October 28, 2019 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by David Banks/Getty Images)

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I feel like his handsomeness has an inverse relationship to his stress level. A lot of people are like that. I don’t care about the Cubs so much but, for Ross’ sake, I hope he wins because I really like the carefree, circa 2017 Ross the best. If stuff gets tense at Wrigley Field this year, it’s gonna show up all over his face.

I mean, he’s sorta got the worried eyes of that lady in the Peloton commercial:

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12. Alex Cora, Red Sox

Red Sox hire Chaim Bloom at Chief Baseball Officer

BOSTON, MA. - OCTOBER 28: Red Sox manager Alex Cora was all smiles after the announcement press conference for Chaim Bloom, new Chief Baseball Officer at Fenway Park on October 28, 2019 in Boston, Massachusetts. (Staff Photo By Matt Stone/MediaNews Group/Boston Herald)

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He’s slipped a bit over the past year, but to be fair, his bosses have more money than God yet are telling him that they have to trade their best player and cut payroll. It probably takes all the energy he can muster to not to have a perpetually-gobsmacked look on his face these days.

13. Aaron Boone, Yankees

Tampa Bay Rays v New York Yankees - Game One

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - JULY 18: Manager Aaron Boone #17 of the New York Yankees argues with home plate umpire Brennan Miller #55 during the second inning of game one of a doubleheader against the Tampa Bay Rays at Yankee Stadium on July 18, 2019 in the Bronx borough of New York City. (Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)

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Your mileage may vary on what aggression does for one’s handsomeness, but Boone’s “Savages in the box” rant is probably a watershed moment in that regard. After that you’re either devoted to him forever or you never will be.

14. A.J. Hinch, Astros

World Series - Washington Nationals v Houston Astros - Game Seven

HOUSTON, TX - OCTOBER 30: Manager AJ Hinch #14 of the Houston Astros walks into the dugout before Game Seven of the 2019 World Series against the Washington Nationals at Minute Maid Park on October 30, 2019 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images)

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The Roman playwright Plautus once said, “I would rather be adorned by the beauty of character than of jewels.” In related news, the Astros have still not been punished in the sign-stealing scandal.

15. Dave Roberts, Dodgers

Divisional Series - Washington Nationals v Los Angeles Dodgers - Game One

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - OCTOBER 03: Actor Rob Lowe speaks with manager Dave Roberts of the Los Angeles Dodgers before game one of the National League Division Series against the Washington Nationals at Dodger Stadium on October 03, 2019 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

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Chris Traeger: “Dave Roberts, you are lit-trally the best-looking Dodgers manager since Ned Hanlon helmed the Brooklyn Superbas in 1905.”

Ned Hanlon

His nickname was “Foxy Ned,” though I think that referred to his baseball wiles -- he invented the hit-and-run play -- as opposed to his inherent foxiness in the manner in which we use that term today. Nevertheless, Hanlon was, as the kids say these days, a total snack. If he was alive today I’d hand him the number one ranking and shut down this feature permanently for lack of any chance at meaningful competition. I mean LOOK AT THAT MAN.

16. Joe Maddon, Angels

Los Angeles Angels Introduce Joe Maddon - News Conference

ANAHEIM, CA - OCTOBER 24: Joe Madden walks on to the field with his wife Jaye Madden, for a press conference to be introduced as the new manager of the Los Angeles Angels at Angel Stadium of Anaheim on October 24, 2019 in Anaheim, California. (Photo by Jayne Kamin-Oncea/Getty Images)

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As I said with Kapler, getting fired -- or, in Maddon’s case, asked not to return -- can take a bit out of you, but going back home again and soaking up some of the warm California sun will likely do him some good. At the very least, the look he flashed here at his introductory press conference was enough to let Maddon reclaim the title in the baseball manager Silver Fox division from Bud Black.

17. Bud Black, Rockies

MLB: SEP 01 Pirates at Rockies

DENVER, CO - SEPTEMBER 01: Colorado Rockies manager Bud Black (10) during a game between the Colorado Rockies and the visiting Pittsburgh Pirates on September 1, 2019 at Coors Field in Denver, CO. (Photo by Russell Lansford/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Black is maybe the best example of the bit I said above about how managerial standards of beauty have so radically changed in recent years. If we sent him, as-is, back in time to manage the 1993 Rockies instead of the 2020 Rockies, his whole “James Brolin’s stunt double” thing probably makes him top-five material. Now he’s 17. That’s no slight! It’s just a tough, tough crowd these days.

18. Brandon Hyde, Orioles

He’s entering his second year as the O’s skipper but this is his first year in the rankings because the Orioles, amazingly, had not yet hired a manager at this time last year. What an organization.

As for Hyde:

MLB: AUG 27 Orioles at Nationals

WASHINGTON, DC - AUGUST 27: Baltimore Orioles manager Brandon Hyde (18) sits in the dugout prior to the game between the Baltimore Orioles and the Washington Nationals on August 27, 2019, at Nationals Park, in Washington D.C. (Photo by Mark Goldman/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Good eyes and eyebrows, but as we can see below . . .

MLB: AUG 27 Orioles at Nationals

WASHINGTON, DC - AUGUST 27: Baltimore Orioles manager Brandon Hyde (18) stands in the dugout during the game between the Baltimore Orioles and the Washington Nationals on August 27, 2019, at Nationals Park, in Washington D.C. (Photo by Mark Goldman/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

. . . his facial hair does him no favors. With some proper grooming, he stands a chance to make a massive leap up the list next year. Assuming, of course, the front office’s obvious tank job doesn’t cause the O’s to lose 127 games, after which they scapegoat Hyde for it and he’s not around for the 2020 rankings.

19. Bob Melvin, Athletics

MLB: OCT 02 AL Wild Card - Rays at A's

OAKLAND, CA - OCTOBER 02: Oakland Athletics manager Bob Melvin before the American League Wild Card Playoff game at RingCentral Coliseum on October 2, 2019 in Oakland, CA. (Photo by Cody Glenn/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

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In the past I’ve talked about how certain men look better when they’re older than when they’re younger. One of the best examples I can think of is Joe Torre who, in his 20s, was almost frightening in some ways but who, as a Man of a Certain Distinguished Age, has become almost dashing. There are a lot of reasons for that -- being rich enough to be able to afford nice grooming and grooming products and being surrounded by people (read: women) who will give you good advice on how to dress and carry oneself are two big ones -- but there simply are some guys who age like fine wine.

Melvin, I think, may be on that track. He was no Joe Torre -- he was a standard-issue handsome man when he was a player -- but his middle years were a bit . . . uncertain. He’s approaching 60 now, however, and he’s rounding into very nice shape in my view. Look at that photo of him: give him some different eyeglasses frames and he could be playing a general in one of those epic World War II miniseries they kept putting out in the 80s. Like, he beat out Robert Mitchum for the role. I sense good things ahead for the guy.

20. Charlie Montoyo, Blue Jays

MLB: JUL 23 Indians at Blue Jays

TORONTO, ON - JULY 23: Toronto Blue Jays Manager Charlie Montoyo (25) shares a laugh with coaches in batting practice prior to the regular season MLB game between the Cleveland Indians and Toronto Blue Jays on July 23, 2019 at Rogers Centre in Toronto, ON. (Photo by Gerry Angus/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

As was the case with David Bell, I did Montoyo a disservice last year in ranking him 30th. Again, there were limited photos of him I could use and the ones I saw weren’t great. He’s not a top-10 guy or anything but nor is he the 30th-most handsome manager in baseball. If for no other reason than (a) like Torey Luvollo, there are a TON of photos of him laughing and smiling and joking around and thats just an attractive damn qualify. And (b) . . .

Tampa Bay Rays v Toronto Blue Jays

TORONTO, ON - JULY 26: Manager Charlie Montoyo of the Toronto Blue Jays questions Umpire Jerry Meals regarding a rules check review in the fourth inning during a MLB game against the Tampa Bay Rays at Rogers Centre on July 26, 2019 in Toronto, Canada. (Photo by Vaughn Ridley/Getty Images)

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He wears actual jerseys -- and sometimes high socks -- most games as opposed to those windbreakers or hoodies or whatever the hell so many managers now wear. That’s just a pro move in my book. If he got rid of the sneakers and went with old school spikes like Bobby Cox used to wear he’d be the best-dressed manager in the game.

Anyway: sorry for last year, Charlie. I did you wrong.

21. Don Mattingly, Marlins

Wait a damn minute here . . .

Miami Marlins News Conference

MIAMI, FLORIDA - SEPTEMBER 20: Manager Don Mattingly of the Miami Marlins speaks during a press conference at Marlins Park on September 20, 2019 in Miami, Florida. (Photo by Mark Brown/Getty Images)

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Miami Marlins News Conference

MIAMI, FLORIDA - SEPTEMBER 20: Manager Don Mattingly of the Miami Marlins speaks during a press conference at Marlins Park on September 20, 2019 in Miami, Florida. (Photo by Mark Brown/Getty Images)

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Miami Marlins News Conference

MIAMI, FLORIDA - SEPTEMBER 20: Manager Don Mattingly of the Miami Marlins speaks during a press conference at Marlins Park on September 20, 2019 in Miami, Florida. (Photo by Mark Brown/Getty Images)

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Mattingly! I thought I told you to trim those sideburns! Go home! You’re off the Baseball’s Most Handsome Manager’s list for good!

22. Dave Martinez, Nationals:

US-POLITICS-TRUMP-BASEBALL

US President Donald Trump(behind) and First Lady Melania Trump(behind) stand with manager Dave Martinez as they welcome the 2019 World Series Champions, The Washington Nationals, to the White House on November 4, 2019 in Washington,DC. (Photo by Nicholas Kamm / AFP) (Photo by NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP via Getty Images)

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“My fellow Americans: You can rank me anyplace you want to and I don’t give a rat’s butt because I just won the World Series.”

23. Chris Woodward, Rangers

Sorry to repeat the same idea from last year, but I still can’t shake this:

Texas Rangers v Chicago White Sox

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - AUGUST 24: Chris Woodward #8 of the Texas Rangers looks on before the game against the Chicago White Sox at Guaranteed Rate Field on August 24, 2019 in Chicago, Illinois. Teams are wearing special color schemed uniforms with players choosing nicknames to display for Players’ Weekend. (Photo by Quinn Harris/Getty Images)

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2014 Winter TCA Tour - Day 6

PASADENA, CA - JANUARY 14: Actor Billy Bob Thornton of the television show ‘Fargo’ speaks onstage during the FX portion of the 2014 Television Critics Association Press Tour at the Langham Hotel on January 14, 2014 in Pasadena, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

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24. Mike Shildt, Cardinals

One of the biggest criticisms of both the book and the movie “Moneyball” was the portrayal of Oakland Athletics manager Art Howe. Many thought the book and the script of the movie maligned Howe as a baseball man, portraying him as a dumb or obstinate when he was and is, according to those who know him, nothing of the sort. But that stuff aside, many questioned the casting of Philip Seymour Hoffman as Howe.

Hoffman, to be sure, was the best character actor of his generation, but there was little for him to work with given the writing of Howe’s character and, to top it off, he looked absolutely nothing like him:

Screen Shot 2019-12-08 at 2.15.49 PM

Seems like a fair criticism to me. If Hoffman were still alive, however, and if Mike Shildt or the Cardinals were to do something cinematic, I feel like the casting would be totally uncontroversial:

League Championship Series - St Louis Cardinals v Washington Nationals - Game Four

WASHINGTON, DC - OCTOBER 15: St. Louis Cardinals manager Mike Shildt looks on prior to game four of the National League Championship Series against the Washington Nationals at Nationals Park on October 15, 2019 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images)

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"The Baxter" New York City Premiere - Arrivals

Justin Theroux and Philip Seymour Hoffman during “The Baxter” New York City Premiere - Arrivals at The IFC Theater in New York City, New York, United States. (Photo by Jamie McCarthy/WireImage)

WireImage

25. Scott Servais, Mariners

NFL: OCT 03 Rams at Seahawks

SEATTLE, WA - OCTOBER 03: Mariners Manager Scott Servais visited with Seahawks fans before an NFL game between the Los Angeles Rams and the Seattle Seahawks on October 3, 2019, at Century Link Field in Seattle, WA. (Photo by Jeff Halstead/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Servais has some serious “As your Congressman, I am committed to stamping out corruption in government, but for the good of the nation, I cannot support this Committee’s fake news-driven investigation into the president’s business dealings” energy here.

26. Jayce Tingler, Padres

San Diego Padres Introduce Jayce Tingler - New Conference

SAN DIEGO, CA - OCTOBER 31: Jayce Tingler speaks at a news conference held to announce his hiring as the new manager of the San Diego Padres at Petco Park October 31, 2019 in San Diego, California. (Photo by Denis Poroy/Getty Images)

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Tingler here looks like he’s going to:

A) Announce the launch of a new piece of database software, but only after he explains how “great achievers are driven, not so much by the pursuit of success, but by the fear of failure";

B) Explain to Mr. Bond that, no, he expects him to die; or

C) Give an impassioned speech, the final line of which is “Blessed are the destroyers of false hope, for they are the true Messiahs!” after which he will disappear in a puff of acrid smoke.

27. Terry Francona, Indians

Here’s Terry Francona when he was hired by the Indians before the 2013 season:

Rose Bowl Game Golf Classic

CITY OF INDUSTRY, CA - DECEMBER 29: Major League Baseball Manager of the Cleveland Indians Terry Francona attends the first annual Rose Bowl Golf Classic at the Pacific Palms Resort & Hotel on December 29, 2012 in City of Industry, California. (Photo by John M. Heller/Getty Images)

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Here’s Terry Francona at the end of the 2019 season:

Cleveland Indians v Minnesota Twins

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - SEPTEMBER 06: Manager Terry Francona #77 of the Cleveland Indians looks on during the game against the Minnesota Twins on September 6, 2019 at Target Field in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Indians defeated the Twins 6-2 in eleven innings. (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)

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Cleveland’ll do that to ya, man.

28. Ron Gardenhire, Tigers

Detroit Tigers v Tampa Bay Rays

ST. PETERSBURG, FL - AUGUST 18: Ron Gardenhire #15 of the Detroit Tigers looks out from the dugout during a baseball game against the Tampa Bay Rays at Tropicana Field on August 18, 2019 in St. Petersburg, Florida. (Photo by Mike Carlson/Getty Images)

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Gardy has been Gardy for a long time so there’s not much to say about his current handsomeness, but I am desperately afraid that the Tigers’ apparent belief that losing 114 games in 2019 was not enough of a tank job and that, in 2020, they should shoot for a good 123 losses or more, is going to turn poor Ron into an actual corpse.

29. Rick Renteria, White Sox

Chicago White Sox v Tampa Bay Rays

ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA - JULY 20: Rick Renteria #36 of the Chicago White Sox watches gameplay during the third inning of a baseball game against the Tampa Bay Rays at Tropicana Field on July 20, 2019 in St. Petersburg, Florida. (Photo by Julio Aguilar/Getty Images)

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If the managing thing doesn’t work out for Renteria he has a great future in playing that angry police captain who has had it UP TO HERE with his loose cannon detective, telling him that THIS TIME we do it BY THE BOOK. You got that?! If not, your badge and gun ARE MINE. Not GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!

30. Brian Snitker, Braves

As I mentioned at the outset here, we are not ranking the ugliest managers. Indeed, as a rule, I do not use the term “ugly” in these rankings if it can be helped because that’s not the point. We are ranking the most handsome managers, and just because one of these men has to be ranked 30th does not make him ugly. It just makes him the 30th most-handsome.

And I should note that, if anything, the 30th most-handsome manager on these rankings has almost been a place of honor in practice.

Bruce Bochy and Clint Hurdle each landed here in the past. Each of them were outstanding managers. Each of them, also, were asked by the press about their ranking here on occasion and each of them found it rather funny. Hurdle, in fact, once said something to the effect of him being happy to be last because he didn’t want to be known as a pretty face. In contrast, as far as I know, Brad Ausmus was asked about his being the #1 guy once and I was told that he was kind of testy about it. I was also told that a Tigers player had a t-shirt of some kind made up referencing his handsomeness and he didn’t care for that at all.

Which is to say that there is -- and dammit, there should be -- some extra respect granted to the dudes at or near the bottom of this silly little list I do each year. After all, no one would claim for one minute that handsomeness is a prerequisite for being a good manager, and dear Lord, no one should take me of all people seriously about anything having to do with physical attractiveness.

That said, we do need a number 30 and this year I have decided that it’s Brian Snitker, mostly because the first, oh, dozen or so photos I found of him in the database were of him offering up an 80-grade frown:

Divisional Series - St Louis Cardinals v Atlanta Braves - Game Five

ATLANTA, GEORGIA - OCTOBER 09: Brian Snitker #43 of the Atlanta Braves reacts against the St. Louis Cardinals during the first inning in game five of the National League Division Series at SunTrust Park on October 09, 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

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Divisional Series - Atlanta Braves v St Louis Cardinals - Game Three

ST LOUIS, MISSOURI - OCTOBER 06: Brian Snitker #43 of the Atlanta Braves looks on prior to game three of the National League Division Series against the St. Louis Cardinals at Busch Stadium on October 06, 2019 in St Louis, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

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Atlanta Braves v Arizona Diamondbacks

PHOENIX, ARIZONA - MAY 09: Brian Snitker #43 of the Atlanta Braves reacts during the MLB game against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Chase Field on May 09, 2019 in Phoenix, Arizona. (Photo by Jennifer Stewart/Getty Images)

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Divisional Series - Atlanta Braves v St Louis Cardinals - Game Three

ST LOUIS, MISSOURI - OCTOBER 06: Brian Snitker #43 of the Atlanta Braves reacts against the St. Louis Cardinals during the second inning in game three of the National League Division Series at Busch Stadium on October 06, 2019 in St Louis, Missouri. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

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Now, go out and win three World Series like Bochy has, Brian. I want to see if someone can frown while champagne is being poured over their head.

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