The funniest moment from this season of Hard Knocks came in the most recent episode, when the show’s producers did nothing more than let Browns offensive line coach Bob Wylie expound on his theories about fitness.
Wylie, your stereotypical old-school offensive line coach, doesn’t look like a fitness guru, given the size of the gut that stretches the brown polo shirt he wears at practice. And he doesn’t sound like a fitness guru, either, unless you mean the kind of fitness gurus they had 100 years ago, before Jack LaLanne came on the scene.
As Browns players stretched before practice, Wylie scoffed that the whole thing was unnecessary, pointing out that there was no yoga going on during World War I trench warfare.
“I’d rather watch a plant grow than stretch,” Wylie said. “Stretching’s way overrated. Did you know World War I, World War II, all the guys that fought in that war, they did pushups, jumping jacks, situps, climbed rope and ran. But none of this fancy s--t. And they won two world wars. Two world wars by doing jumping jacks, pushups and situps. You think they were worried when they were running across Normandy about f--king stretching? Give me that rubber band so I can stretch to run across that f--king beach? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Wylie also gave the players some thoughts about how a rhinoceros would make a good offensive lineman, and some viewers noticed that when he barks out signals on the field, his gut is the only part of his body that moves. All in all, it was a fine performance by Wylie, who’s been a football coach for four decades and was due for the attention he’s getting.
