France 4-6 England: Kylian Mbappe breaks World Cup goals record in maddest game ever

Well, that didn’t take long. 134 seconds after kickoff, England are ahead thanks to a sensational strike from Declan Rice more than 20 yards out.

It’s been end to end from the opening whistle, and France have plenty of chance themselves but England are the only ones taking theirs. As far as games that mean (just about) nothing go, this one is at least a fantastic watch.

Just how England drew it up. Marcus Rashford and Bukayo Saka went 2 vs 6 inside France’s penalty area, and somehow came away with a third goal.

This is probably not how Didier Deschamps wanted to leave his post as France manager, but Les Bleus have been so incredibly poor defensively — from a basic effort standpoint — and England are happy to keep scoring.

What in the world is happening? All six goals have been scored at one end of the field. These teams have taken turns going all out, and hardly trying.

This is madness. What a game of football. What a pass from Michael Olise. What a finish from Kylian Mbappe.

Along with Mbappe moving two goals ahead of Lionel Messi for the Golden Boot (10) and the all-time World Cup goals record (22), Olise now has seven assists and is now tied with Pele for the most in a single tournament.

This goes without saying, but England are teetering on the brink of their most embarrassing defeat of all time, and in a game that effectively means nothing.

Kylian Mbappe was never not going to score in this game, especially after the first half played out like it did. There’s still another one (or two) out there for him today. Goal no. 9 at this tournament, and his 21st career World Cup goal.

Malu Gusto hacked Djed Spence down to the ground to win a penalty and stem the tide after France squandered a couple of chances to make it 4-4. Jude Bellingham, who had to come on after 79 minutes, looked like he was going to take the spot kick but ultimately handed it off to Saka to complete his hat trick. The only other player to score a hat trick against France at the World Cup? Pele, in 1958.

A potentially huge goal for Thomas Tuchel, said with all seriousness.

This is awesome. Just giggling as we watch… whatever in the world this game has been. Football, bloody football.

Just play extra-time anyway. There’s not a person in the world — barring the 23 on the field, including the center referee, who needed a calf massage to recover from cramp in the final 10 minutes — that doesn’t want 30 more minutes of this.