If you’ve taken the time to read my intros throughout the season (I’m not offended if you skip right to the rankings—that’s what they’re there for), you’ve probably noticed a running theme. I am of the mindset that fantasy football, though rewarding in spurts, can be immensely frustrating. We all have battle scars. For example, my dad, a long-time fantasy player, recently lost the championship game in our family’s 10-team league for the fourth year in a row (and by only 1.6 points).
Getting knocked down is part of fantasy, but when it comes to Sunday drama, nothing beats DFS. I enter a smattering of lineups on FanDuel each week, using some in head-to-heads and multipliers while saving the rest for larger tournaments like the Sunday Bomb. There’s usually some overlap, but I like to cast a fairly wide net by jamming my lineups with as many combinations as possible.
Now compared to season-long where your options are somewhat limited, there are a million ways to screw it up on FanDuel. Too much chalk, not enough chalk, overpaying, underpaying, fading a certain Todd Gurley—I’ve done it all. And now we can add another failure to that list—wasting a once-in-a-lifetime lineup on a handful of multipliers and $5 head-to-heads. Move over George Costanza, there’s a new Lord of the Idiots and his name is Jesse Pantuosco.
Ladies and gentleman, I present to you, my highest-scoring lineup of the season:
QB: Matthew Stafford ($7,800)—27.12
RB: Dion Lewis ($7,200)—28.3
RB: Alex Collins ($6,800)—16.6
WR: Keenan Allen ($8,600)—29.8
WR: Marvin Jones ($7,300)—16.1
WR: Jarvis Landry ($7,200)—19.7
TE: Jack Doyle ($5,400)—11.8
K: Robbie Gould ($4,800)—11
DEF: Chargers ($4,900)—10
Total: 170.42
Had I entered that murderer’s row in the Sunday Bomb, I would have come in 10th place out of 14,260 participants with a payout of $1,500. Not a bad chunk of change, right? But because I’m a pioneer in finding new ways to lose on FanDuel (I’m the Marco Polo of embarrassing fantasy defeats), that’s not what happened. Instead I entered a pair of Kirk Cousins lineups, neither of which cashed, and finished my Sunday with a net profit of $56.75. Your move, Costanza.
As the day went on and I noticed my Stafford lineup exploding while the rest of my entries predictably face-planted, I did something I never thought I would do—root against my own lineup. Missing out on a chance at $1,500, though less than ideal, is something I can get over in a few days. But what if it had been $50,000 or even $100,000?
At one point, it looked like things were heading that way. I was sitting at 168 points with the Ravens driving, praying for anyone other than Alex Collins to score a touchdown. Thankfully it went to Mike Wallace instead. I’ll admit, I openly applauded when Jarvis Landry was tossed for “disrespecting an official” with six minutes to go in the fourth quarter. No more points for you, bud.
Now imagine if I HAD entered my Stafford lineup in the Bomb and needed that Collins touchdown or another few points from Landry to get to $100,000. I would have been equally devastated. In either case, I got greedy, wanting what I couldn’t have instead of simply enjoying the journey. I’ve never been that gung-ho on New Year’s resolutions—I know I can’t keep up the gym membership or limit my late-night consumption of Wild Cherry Pepsi. But maybe taking a moment to smell the roses is something I can do a better job of in 2018.
Just as they did in Week 1, the Patriots will finish the year at No. 1 in my Power Rankings.
1. New England Patriots
Record: 13-3
Last Week: 1
Dion Lewis finished the regular season with a bang, exploding for 366 yards from scrimmage (289 rushing, 77 receiving) and five touchdowns over his final three games. His 896 rushing yards and nine touchdowns are both career-highs. Rob Gronkowski needed either 11 catches or 116 yards in Week 17 to trigger a $2 million performance bonus. Naturally he wasn’t targeted on any of his 58 snaps. I smell a conspiracy.
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2. Pittsburgh Steelers
Record: 13-3
Last Week: 2
He won’t win Rookie of the Year—Alvin Kamara’s name is already engraved on the trophy—but that shouldn’t take anything away from what JuJu Smith-Schuster accomplished in Pittsburgh this year. The 21-year-old led all rookies in both receiving yards (917) and touchdowns (seven) this season. Landry Jones continues to be a thorn in Hue Jackson’s side—but then again, who isn’t a thorn in Hue Jackson’s side?
3. Minnesota Vikings
Record: 13-3
Last Week: 3
Stefon Diggs disappeared during a midseason lull but finished the year on a three-game touchdown streak. His eight receiving touchdowns are the most by a Viking since 2012. Meanwhile Latavius Murray helped Minnesota clinch a first-round bye with 114 yards (111 rushing, three receiving) and two touchdowns in Sunday’s win over the Bears. Murray has visited the end zone 20 times over his last two seasons.
4. Los Angeles Rams
Record: 11-5
Last Week: 5
Todd Gurley should be well-rested after getting a breather in Week 17. Only Ezekiel Elliott averaged more rushing yards per game than Gurley in 2017. Cooper Kupp was automatic down the stretch, averaging 77.6 yards over his final five regular season games. The Rams will host a playoff game in Los Angeles Saturday for the first time since 1985. That’s one year before Sean McVay was born.
5. New Orleans Saints
Record: 11-5
Last Week: 6
It’s no accident the Saints won the NFC South for the first time since 2011. They absolutely killed it in the draft by selecting Marshon Lattimore, the likely Defensive Rookie of the Year, and Alvin Kamara, the odds-on favorite for Offensive Rookie of the Year. Kamara had a year for the ages, leading the league in yards per carry (6.1) while also leading all running backs with 826 receiving yards. Michael Thomas caught five or more passes in 14-of-16 games this year while setting a team record with 104 receptions.
6. Philadelphia Eagles
Record: 13-3
Last Week: 4
The Eagles are limping into the playoffs after a shaky win over the Raiders in Week 16 and a shutout loss to the Cowboys in Sunday’s regular season finale. Nick Foles hasn’t looked comfortable the last two weeks, completing just 46.9 percent of his passes with a brutal 48.2 quarterback rating during that span. At least the Eagles will be playing at home, where they’ve lost just once all season.
7. Carolina Panthers
Record: 11-5
Last Week: 7
Rather than ending the regular season on a high note, Cam Newton fell apart in Week 17, completing just 14-of-34 passes (41.2 percent) with three interceptions in a loss to Atlanta. Still, he led all quarterbacks with a career-high 754 rushing yards this year including 59 in Sunday’s defeat. What’s it going to take to get Greg Olsen going? The 32-year-old has topped 30 receiving yards just once this season.
8. Kansas City Chiefs
Record: 10-6
Last Week: 9
Kareem Hunt logged just one carry in Week 17 but made it a good one, scoring a 35-yard touchdown to lock up the NFL rushing title. He’s the first Chief to lead the league in rushing since Priest Holmes in 2011. The future looks bright for first-round rookie Patrick Mahomes, who completed 22-of-35 passes for 284 yards in his debut Sunday at Denver.
9. Jacksonville Jaguars
Record: 10-6
Last Week: 8
Sunday Jacksonville will host its first home playoff game since 1999. Unfortunately the Jags don’t have much momentum right now after closing the year with losses to San Francisco and Tennessee. Blake Bortles has completed just 56 percent of his passes with five interceptions during that stretch. Leonard Fournette struggled to 3.22 yards per carry over his final seven games, but still finished the year with over 1,000 yards rushing, becoming the first Jaguar to reach that threshold since Maurice Jones-Drew in 2011.
10. Atlanta Falcons
Record: 10-6
Last Week: 10
Only Antonio Brown totaled more receiving yards than Julio Jones this season, though somehow Jones managed just three touchdowns, his fewest since 2013. The Rams can expect a heavy dose of Devonta Freeman in Saturday’s playoff opener. Freeman beasted down the stretch with 449 yards from scrimmage (276 rushing, 173 receiving) and three touchdowns over his final four games.
11. Los Angeles Chargers
Record: 9-7
Last Week: 13
Keenan Allen gave fantasy owners a going away present with another 100-yard game in Sunday’s finale. He topped 100 yards in four of his final six games while setting a team-record with 102 catches. Not to be denied, Casey Hayward earned PFF’s No. 1 coverage grade out of 121 qualifiers at cornerback this year. Only Tom Brady threw for more yards than Philip Rivers in 2017.
12. Tennessee Titans
Record: 9-7
Last Week: 18
Tennessee ended a nine-year playoff drought with its win over Jacksonville in Week 17. The Titans went 5-1 against the AFC South and 4-6 versus everyone else. Tennessee also finished the year with a -22 point differential. Compare that to the Ravens (+92) and Chargers (+83), who both missed the postseason. As undeserving as the Titans may be, Kevin Byard looks like the real deal. The second-year safety tied for the league-lead with eight interceptions this year including two in Sunday’s win over Jacksonville.
13. Seattle Seahawks
Record: 9-7
Last Week: 12
For the first time since 2011, Seattle will not be playing postseason football. The Seahawks are at a crossroads with DC Kris Richard interviewing for the Colts’ head-coaching vacancy and Jimmy Graham headed for free agency. Michael Bennett could also be a goner while Cliff Avril and Kam Chancellor are both dealing with career-threatening injuries. At least Russell Wilson, who led the league with 34 touchdown passes, isn’t going anywhere.
14. Buffalo Bills
Record: 9-7
Last Week: 16
The drought is over. After an 18-year dry spell, the Bills are finally headed back to the postseason. They got a major assist from Andy Dalton, who has quickly ascended to hero status in Buffalo. Unfortunately it may not be a long stay for the Bills, especially if LeSean McCoy (sprained ankle) can’t go Sunday against Jacksonville. But hey, who needs Shady when you have Kyle Williams to carry the rock?
15. Baltimore Ravens
Record: 9-7
Last Week: 11
28-3 still takes the cake when it comes to gut-wrenching sports losses, but Sunday’s heart-breaker will stay with the Ravens for a long time. Baltimore had plenty of time to counter Cincinnati’s late touchdown with 38 seconds and all three of their timeouts remaining, but the comeback effort fell short, quite literally as Joe Flacco completed a 13-yard pass to Ben Watson on fourth-and-14. At least Alex Collins did his part, keeping things close with this impossible touchdown.
16. Dallas Cowboys
Record: 9-7
Last Week: 14
The Cowboys went 6-4 with Ezekiel Elliott and 3-3 without him this year. But what really hurt was losing BOTH Zeke and Tyron Smith, who sat out three games with knee and groin injuries and was limited in several others. Dez Bryant struggled through another lousy season, topping 70 yards in just three-of-16 games while committing a league-high 12 drops. Dad-runner Jason Witten hopes to return in 2018. He ranks second among active players and fourth all-time with 1,152 career catches.
17. Detroit Lions
Record: 9-7
Last Week: 15
The Lions didn’t get much out of their running game this year—they finished dead-last in both rushing yards and yards per carry. But the passing game flourished with Marvin Jones and Golden Tate both going over 1,000 yards receiving. Tate has logged at least 90 catches in all four seasons since joining the Lions in 2014. After giving Jim Caldwell the boot, will GM Bob Quinn, a former Patriots scout, replace him with Josh McDaniels or Matt Patricia? OC Jim Bob Cooter is also a strong candidate if the Lions prefer to stay in-house.
18. San Francisco 49ers
Record: 6-10
Last Week: 19
Jimmy Garoppolo is incapable of losing. He’s gone a perfect 5-0 while leading the league with 1,542 passing yards since replacing C.J. Beathard (remember that guy?) as the Niners’ starting quarterback. Jimmy G should be in for a big payday this offseason. Carlos Hyde is also hoping for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The impending free agent impressed by scoring four touchdowns over his final four games including two in Sunday’s finale. Four of his eight touchdowns this year came against the division-rival Rams.
19. Washington Redskins
Record: 7-9
Last Week: 17
Kirk Cousins bottomed out in Week 17, throwing three interceptions in an ugly loss to the 3-13 Giants. Depending on how the market shakes out, that may have been Cousins’ final game as a Washington Redskin. Chris Thompson hopes to be ready for training camp this summer. He was having a career year (804 yards from scrimmage, six touchdowns) before a broken leg ended his season in Week 11.
20. Arizona Cardinals
Record: 8-8
Last Week: 20
Not much went right for the Cardinals this year, though they did manage a .500 record by winning three of their last four including a victory over the Seahawks in Week 17. Drew Stanton played that game with a torn ACL. Bruce Arians and Carson Palmer have already announced their retirements and it wouldn’t be a surprise if Larry Fitzgerald followed suit. Speaking of Fitz, the 34-year-old finished second in the league with 109 catches this year, which matched a career-high.
21. Cincinnati Bengals
Record: 7-9
Last Week: 23
Tyler Boyd entered Week 17 averaging 14.9 yards per game, so of course he erupted for a career-high 91 yards while knocking Baltimore out of the playoffs with this game-sealing touchdown. Because the Bengals are fresh out of ideas (either that or their front office is being run by Drake), Marvin Lewis is coming back for two more seasons. Joe Mixon impressed down the stretch, averaging a robust 5.02 yards per carry over his final four games.
22. Green Bay Packers
Record: 7-9
Last Week: 21
This was basically a throwaway year as Green Bay never stood much of a chance without Aaron Rodgers. Brett Hundley showed he can tuck and run (270 rushing yards on 36 carries) but obviously he still has a long way to go as a passer (nine touchdowns, 12 interceptions in 11 games). Jamaal Williams handled workhorse duties down the stretch, but Aaron Jones (5.5 yards per carry) should lead the backfield if he’s healthy next year.
23. Oakland Raiders
Record: 6-10
Last Week: 22
Marshawn Lynch really turned it on in the second half, averaging 4.63 yards per carry with five touchdowns over his last eight games. Amari Cooper also impressed down the stretch, finishing the year by scoring in four of his last five appearances. Jon Gruden is the favorite to replace fired head coach Jack Del Rio, but is he really that much of an upgrade? Derek Carr was in sixth grade the last time Gruden won a playoff game.
24. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Record: 5-11
Last Week: 26
The Chris Godwin Era has officially begun in Tampa. The Penn State alum closed out his rookie year by nabbing 10 catches for 209 yards and a touchdown over his final two games. Meanwhile Doug Martin wrapped up a nightmare 2017 campaign by losing three yards on three carries in Sunday’s finale. He’s finished last in the league in yards per carry each of the last two seasons. Mike Evans joined A.J. Green and Randy Moss by becoming the third receiver to begin his career with four straight 1,000-yard seasons.
25. Miami Dolphins
Record: 6-10
Last Week: 24
Jarvis Landry led the NFL with a team record 112 catches this year. He also tied for fourth in the league with nine touchdowns, which set a career-high. Jay Cutler spent the entire season living in a Miami hotel room and because life is a nightmare, the hotel made little effort to update its on-demand movie selection. That’s no way to live, but come on Jay—haven’t you ever heard of Netflix?
26. New York Jets
Record: 5-11
Last Week: 28
The Jets do have some exciting young pieces. Robby Anderson made strides this year while Jamal Adams also showed promise in his rookie season. But until they formulate a long-term plan at quarterback—we’ve seen enough to know Bryce Petty isn’t the answer while wasted pick Christian Hackenberg remains in QB purgatory—the Jets may as well get comfortable in the AFC basement.
27. Chicago Bears
Record: 5-11
Last Week: 25
The clock finally struck midnight on John Fox, who was let go after going 14-34 during his three-year stay in the Windy City. Fox’s firing was well-deserved, but how in the world did GM Ryan Pace land a two-year extension? This is the same dude who threw $45 million at Mike Glennon, then traded up to draft a quarterback second overall less than two months later. Jordan Howard seemed to hit a wall down the stretch. He averaged just 2.2 yards per carry over his final three games.
28. Denver Broncos
Record: 5-11
Last Week: 27
The Broncos would love to scrub 2017 from the record books, but at least they got a committed performance from C.J. Anderson, who led the team with a career-high 1,007 rushing yards. He’s Denver’s first 1,000-yard rusher since Knowshon Moreno in 2013. It might be time for the Broncos to draft another quarterback, because Paxton Lynch just isn’t cutting it. He’s struggled to a 72.7 quarterback rating with three touchdowns and four interceptions in four career starts. The Broncos are 1-3 in those games.
29. Indianapolis Colts
Record: 4-12
Last Week: 30
Frank Gore put on a clinic in Sunday’s finale, ripping the Texans for 100 yards on 24 carries. Gore is no spring chicken—he turns 35 in May—but this year proved he still has something left in the tank. Will GM Chris Ballard go back to his Kansas City roots by hiring either Dave Toub or Matt Nagy to be his next head coach? Regardless of who succeeds Chuck Pagano, the Colts aren’t going to be competitive until Andrew Luck gets healthy. This year ended T.Y. Hilton’s streak of four straight 1,000-yard seasons.
30. Houston Texans
Record: 4-12
Last Week: 29
Week 17 marked DeAndre Hopkins’ first career absence. Despite sitting out Sunday’s finale, Hopkins still led the league with a career-high 13 touchdowns. Will Fuller lasted just five snaps before injuring his knee in Week 17. After opening 2017 with seven touchdowns in his first four appearances, Fuller ended the year on a six-game scoreless drought. The Texans dropped eight of their last nine games after losing Deshaun Watson to a torn ACL.
31. New York Giants
Record: 3-13
Last Week: 31
The Giants snapped a five-game losing skid with a win over the Redskins in Week 17. The game ball went to Orleans Darkwa, who rushed for a career-high 154 yards in what could have been his final game as a Giant. Last week spelled another chapter in the ongoing Eli Apple saga. The 2016 first-rounder was suspended for Sunday’s finale following an altercation with CBs coach Tim Walton and could be on the outs in New York. It will be up to new GM Dave Gettleman to decide his fate.
32. Cleveland Browns
Record: 0-16
Last Week: 32
Imagine being Jim Caldwell right now. The Lions sent him packing after a 9-7 season in Detroit, yet Hue Jackson gets to keep his job. A rough year for Corey Coleman ended with an excruciating drop that may have cost Cleveland a chance at its only win of the season. It was a heartbreaking mistake, though it led to a nice moment between Coleman and teammate DeShone Kizer. Meanwhile Josh Gordon finished the year with his first 100-yard game since Week 12 of 2014.
Biggest Jump: Titans
6
Biggest Drop: Ravens
4
