Joe Thomas has been the Cleveland Browns’ best player for the last decade -- not that that’s saying much.
Thomas, who formally announced his retirement on Monday, had plenty of jokes at his retirement speech about the futility of the franchise.
On former Browns offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan, who once put a PowerPoint presentation together with all the reasons he wanted to be let out of his contract, Thomas said: “One of the guys who actually talked to me was Kyle Shanahan. He put together a 32-point slide presentation in a PowerPoint telling me why I needed to come back; unfortunately, that did not work.”
On former Brown G.M. Ray Farmer, who was disciplined by the NFL for texting coaches during games. “Ray Farmer tried to text me but it was during a game, and unfortunately, he was suspended for that.”
On former Browns coach Eric Mangini: “Eric Mangini wanted to reach out to me because I had a couple years with him and he thought it was important to hear a few things from him, but unfortunately, he said I was going to have to ride eight hours with him on a bus to Connecticut if I wanted to hear all about it so I turned that down.’'
On a former Browns quarterback who once fell under a giant American flag being unfurled on the field: “Brandon Weeden still has my phone number, somehow after all these years. He tried to call me but he ended up still being stuck under that giant American flag so he did not get any reception.”
Referencing former G.M. Sashi Brown failing to call in a trade before the league deadline: “Sashi tried to trade some information with me about my retirement, but unfortunately, it did not get in in time.”
On former Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel: “Johnny tried to call me from the club but his money phone apparently did not have very good service.”
And on the Browns’ failures with Robert Griffin III: “In the end, we all know that the reason I retired was because of Robert Griffin III; it was definitely his fault.”
After being stuck on the worst team in football, it’s good that Thomas can laugh about it.
