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Cowboys close shop at Valley Ranch


Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens, right rear, looks on as his publicist Kim Etheredge responds to a question during a press conference at the Cowboys training facility in Irving, Texas, Wednesday, Sept. 27, 2006. Owens denied a police report he attempted suicide, saying he became groggy after mixing painkillers with supplements. He said Wednesday the confusion likely stemmed from an empty bottle of pain medication found by his publicist, who was with him at the time and called 911. He said the rest of the pills were in a drawer. (AP Photo/Tim Sharp) ORG XMIT: TXTG109


As the Cowboys wrap up their offseason program, they’re concluding their stay at Valley Ranch, the team’s headquarters since 1985. And there will be plenty of memories shared by those who spent time there, including an entertaining walk down memory lane from ESPN’s Ed Werder.

Though I’ve never been to Valley Ranch, a handful of specific incidents stand out among the others.

First, the notorious T.O. press conference following what was best characterized as an accidental suicide attempt, punctuated by his publicist’s proclamation that Owens has 25 million reasons to live.

Second, the notorious Michael Irvin-Everett McIver encounter, as explained at the outset of Jeff Pearlman’s Boys Will Be Boys, with a chapter titled “Scissors to the Neck.”

“Michael Irvin knew he was screwed,” the first line of Pearlman’s book explains. “There, dangling in his hand, was a pair of silver scissors, bits of shredded brown skin coating the tips. There, clutching his own throat, was Everett McIer, a 6-foot, 5-inch, 318-pound hulk of a man, blood oozing from the 2-inch gash in his neck.” (McIver had made the mistake of cutting the line for the in-house barber chair, resulting in Irvin cutting McIver, literally.)

Third, Charles Haley, Last Naked Warrior.

Fourth, an incident involving the aforementioned Werder, who mentions it generally in his article. It featured a fan named “Cowboy Chris,” heckling the ESPN reporter by saying at one point, “I’m in your head, Werder!”

If you’ve forgotten about it or never heard of it, take a few minutes and enjoy Cowboy Chris and the ESPN producer with a bad attitude.