Pete Stoyanovich and Olindo Mare used to turn me into an emotional wreck, an otherwise well-adjusted kid transformed into a fear-crazed animal cowering underneath the family room coffee table.
I was a diehard Dolphins fan throughout the 90s and into the early-2000s -- you know as much if you follow me on Twitter for whatever reason. Diehard is the right word because emotionally, I lived and died with Dan Marino and his heartbreaking teams (before Jay Fiedler and his heartbreaking teams). The 90s Dolphins ripped out the beating, bloody hearts of their fans more than any team save the Bills. Zoomers: go read about it on Wikipedia or listen to Hootie and the Blowfish. The Dolphins’ propensity for close games led to last second field goals on the heels of a miracle crunch time drive from latter day Marino and the surprisingly decent post-Marino Fins.
It was in the moments before these make-or-break kicks that I would take my spot underneath the coffee table. I would build up the moment in my mind so my entire world hinged on the outcome. Extraordinarily unhealthy, unexplainable today, I did this time and again. And when Stoyanovich or Mare missed those tying or winning kicks, I’d be gutted. Sometimes I’d cry. Mostly I was despondent for a while, then ornery in the way only a moody teenager can be ornery. Fantasy football has ensured I’ll never care about an NFL team if I live to 130, but those kicks meant everything to me. [[ad:athena]]
The pressure of the moment, once I exited my glass case of emotion, became my fascination. I found myself wanting to feel the unbearable pressure of a kicker lining up a game winning kick with the hopes of his entire team, his coaches, and millions of fans riding on his ability to place a prolate spheroid ball between two yellow posts in the distance. In hindsight, I know this was my way of endowing the game with meaning. It’s the only way sports mean anything. The immense pressure of a field goal kicker in the final moments of a game was a fixation of mine for years.
Probably that’s because I was never good under even a shred of pressure. In junior golf tournaments, the intense trembling of my hands would force me to step away from the shot and take a deep breath or six. In basketball, free throws looked like half court heaves in game action. At bat in baseball, the ball became a marble on its way from the mound. Only when I told myself not to care about the outcome could I perform on the playing field. It was a tough trick, but one that often paid off: I had to focus on the meaninglessness of sports to do well in sports. You might say I was the definition of a head case.
Maybe that’s how kickers stand up to the unthinkable pressure of a game-winning boot, like Rodrigo Blankenship did in Week 11. Or maybe they thrive on it. If they do, they’re made of different stuff than me.
Week 11 Review
Not to be dramatic, but Randy Bullock took us on an emotional roller coaster through the hottest depths of hell, missing two field goals and an extra point while nailing a 53-yarder against Washington. He ended up with five fantasy points. I’ll take a moment to remind you that opportunity is all that matters. If a fortune teller had told you Bullock would have three field goal tries in Week 11, you’d pay your fifty bucks and plug Bullock into your lineup.
Mike Badgley fared well in a pristine matchup, making both of his field goal tries and scoring 10 fantasy points, the third most of the week headed into Monday night. Chris Boswell -- the Boz -- managed nine fantasy points against the Jaguars despite missing one of his three attempts. The Boz is Week 11’s seventh highest scoring kicker headed into Monday night.
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Week 12 Streaming Plays
Tyler Bass (BUF) vs. Chargers
Expected field goal attempts: 19.2
Actual field goal attempts: 25
Forget for a moment, if you can, that Bass is fantasy’s No. 4 kicker who has notched at least 14 fantasy points in three of his past four games. His Week 12 prospects are as good as any kicker in the league: Buffalo is a 5.5-point home favorite with a 29.5 point implied total. No team, as of this writing, has a higher implied total this week. The sweet, sweet smell of a shootout wafts from this game -- if you lean in and sniff deeply enough -- positioning both kickers for solid opportunity. The process says we prioritize the home team kicker whose team is favored, so Bass is the play over our Week 11 guy Mike Badgley. Bass’ only downside is the massive gap between his expected and actual field goal attempts. Some kickers -- like quarterbacks who keep piling up touchdown passes without much yardage -- just run hot. That’s what we have with Bass right now. And he faces off against a Chargers team giving up 2.2 field goal tries per game, the ninth most. Maybe that’ll catch up to the Bills kicker in the season’s final weeks but we’re rolling with him this week in a prime spot. Bass is out there on 92 percent of waiver wires.
Ka’imi Fairbairn (HOU) at Lions
Expected field goal attempts: 21.55
Actual field goal attempts: 19
Detroit allowing the second fewest field goal attempts this year shouldn’t put us off Fairbairn in a good game environment. Houston faces a Detroit defense that just gave up 256 yards to Panthers spot starter P.J. Walker; Deshaun Watson should have his way on Thanksgiving. Fairbairn is on the right side of his expected field goal attempts too. He’s done well with his game script-fueled opportunity in Houston wins this season, scoring at least 10 fantasy points in three Texans victories. Houston is a road favorite against the Lions with an implied total of 26.75 points -- the week’s fifth highest. Ride the Lions’ abject misery and exploit an excellent kicker option who just so happens to be on 80 percent of waiver wires.
Jason Myers (SEA) at Eagles
Expected field goal attempts: 24.02
Actual field goal attempts: 12
Myers is now almost a dozen field goal tries under expectation. I risk going insane if I think about it too long. But here’s the thing: I can’t stop thinking about it. Seattle’s red zone dominance and aggressiveness near the end zone has destroyed opportunity for Myers throughout the season -- only the high-T Vikings have fewer field goal tries in 2020. Nevertheless! Here I am, touting Myers against the Eagles because the Seahawks are five point favorites with an implied total of 28 points. A kicker streamer can’t ask for much more. Philly is allowing 2.17 field goal tries per game in losses this season. If you think the Eagles will run roughshod over Seattle, don’t play Myers. If you think the Hawks will be the next to beat up on Carson Wentz and company, grab Myers off the wire. Myers being rostered in 46 percent of leagues is by far the strangest and worst thing that’s happened in 2020.
Graham Gano (NYG) at Bengals
Expected field goal attempts: 18.6
Actual field goal attempts: 22
Don’t tell the NBC Sports higher ups that I’m including a kicker on the COVID-19 list in this space. But I am. If the Giants activate Gano off the COVID list before Sunday, he’s a low-key outstanding option largely because the Bengals are going to be a disaster without Joe Burrow. The G-people are 4.5 point favorites against the Ryan Finley-led Bengals, who were beyond dysfunctional without Burrow against Washington. Expect more of the same in Week 12: Finley completed 47.1 percent of his throws last year and missed seven of his 10 attempts last week against the Football Team. Gano should benefit from an ocean of positive game script. While Gano’s expected field goals gives me a moment’s pause, he’s an objectively solid Week 12 option.
