Please Hammer, don’t hurt the 1990 Reds!

If the 1995 Braves do this they’d have Coolio and that guy who sang the “I’m Boombastic, say me fantastic” song:

Legendary hip hop performer and Grammy Award winner MC Hammer will bring his high-energy show to Great American Ball Park on Friday, July 16 as part of the celebration of the 1990 World Series Champion Cincinnati Reds . . . MC Hammer’s pregame concert will run 6 to 6:40pm on the right field porch and a second show will be on the field starting approximately 20 minutes after the conclusion of the game. He will also do a meet and greet with fans in the FanZone.

A forty minute Hammer concert? I guess he does “U Can’t Touch This” and the Adams Family song and then repeats them five times. All I know for sure is that you should be careful if you’re going to the meet-and-greet because Hammer will probably try to hand you his resume or ask for a loan or something.

Then again, maybe he has something else in mind. Hammer is from Oakland. Big A’s fan. Used to even be an A’s batboy back in the day. The 1990s Reds, you’ll recall, beat those A’s in the World Series. Maybe Hammer is making this appearance in order to position himself to exact his revenge -- Joker-style -- on the Reds and their fans! You, know, just as he starts doing his little Hammer dance thing three helicopters fly over the stadium and spray poison gas as Hammer, his henchmen Vanilla Ice and, hell, I dunno, Rickey Henderson make their escape to some secret villains’ lair?

Nah. That would be too cool. We’ll probably just get a B+ performance of “Have you seen her.” Sigh.