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Guess tonight’s attendance: Dallas visits Columbus

COLUMBUS, OH - OCTOBER 12: Vinny Prospal #22 of the Columbus Blue Jackets has the puck deflect off of his shoulder while attempting to redirect it past Semyon Varlamov #1 of the Colorado Avalanche during the first period on October 12, 2011 at Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. (Photo by Jamie Sabau/NHLI via Getty Images)

The Columbus Blue Jackets host the Dallas Stars tonight at Nationwide Arena. Good seats are still available. Great seats even. Like, you could probably sit on the Columbus bench if you made a call or two. Might even get to take a shift.

Yes, after GM Scott Howson’s summer of spending, the Jackets are off to a dreadful start. They’re 0-4-1. Last in the Central division. They can’t score. They can’t keep the puck out of their own net. Their power play is terrible. As is their penalty kill. They smell. They’re overweight. Awful skin. Breath is horrible. Super annoying to talk to at parties. Bad team all around.

Not surprisingly, the fans in Columbus haven’t exactly been flocking to BJs games. Last Wednesday against Colorado, just 8,986 bothered to show up to watch the home side lose in a shootout. As always in these types of situations, that number is probably generous. And when I say probably, I mean definitely. “We counted the cannon as 20 people.”

Anyway, what better game to fill the seats than a Tuesday night affair with Dallas?

That sound you’re hearing is scalpers sobbing.

Now, before we get to the part where we guess the attendance, I’m not sure if the Jackets have some sort of ticket promotion planned for tonight. Maybe anyone with a college ID can sit in the upper deck for $20, gets a free foam finger and unlimited nachos. For example, here’s what the Jackets are offering for next Tuesday’s game versus the Red Wings…

Blue Jackets promotion

That’s a pretty good deal, says the guy from Vancouver.

OK, so let’s guess the attendance for tonight. I’m going to say…8,457. What say you? We’ll announce the winner tomorrow on PHT. Free Ferrari for anyone who hits it right on the nail.*

*Offer void on planet Earth