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The 2015 Braves have “gravitas” and “veteran leadership” and will have dirty uniforms. Just kill me now.

Jonny Gomes scores
This tweet came out from the Braves last night:

Grass and dirt at Turner Field. Get ready to see lots of this on the uniform of Jonny Gomes this year. #Gamer

— Atlanta Braves (@Braves) January 23, 2015

Then David O’Brien of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution was talking last night about why the Braves got Jonny Gomes and Nick Markakis. And he offered some buzzwords that should make the fans of any team to which they apply shudder:

#Braves Hart was determined to improve clubhouse and add vet leadership, rebuild or not. Added some good clubhouse reps in Markakis, Gomes.

— David O’Brien (@DOBrienAJC) January 23, 2015

JHey: great guy. Still young. These guys have gravitas, exp. RT @minshewthomas: @DOBrienAJC really think good clubhouse choices? Over Jhey?

— David O’Brien (@DOBrienAJC) January 23, 2015

Just kill me now.

We’ve gone on about the “dirt” and “grit” and “gamer” stuff at length around these parts. It’s empty and horrible and is designed to distract fans from the fact that your team is not particularly good at baseball but, hey, they’ll look intense while losing.

Meanwhile, talking your team up for its “gravitas” and “veteran leadership” is like talking your friend’s blind date up for having “a great personality.” Sure, those things are nice, but for the purposes at hand, they are only mentioned because it cannot be truthfully said that the baseball team is good or that the blind date is physically attractive. It’s a dodge.

Personally, I like baseball teams that have good players. The 2013 Braves won 96 games without much “gravitas” and “leadership.” The 1988 Braves had “gravitas” out the wazoo in the form of Ken Griffey Sr. They had veteran leadership in the form of Dale Murphy. They also lost 106 games.

My guess is that, unlike in 1988, the 2015 Braves at least have a chance to avoid the cellar. It’ll be a pitched battle with Philly for that “title” all year, but at least it’ll be worth watching for all the veteran leadership on display.

Oh well: