MAYBE THEY SHOULD JUST WEAR COMPRESSION SHORTS

In his 1996 bestseller The Dark Side of the Game, former Falcons defensive end Tim Green touches on a variety of topics regarding life in the NFL. One of the essay-length chapters is devoted to the fact that pro football players, despite conventional wisdom to the contrary, don’t wear protective cups. The reason? It keeps a guy from moving as quickly as he otherwise can. (Except, of course, after getting his manhood twisted like a bottle cap at the bottom of a pile.) So in the spirit of not being slowed down, players might want to ditch the jock straps, too. Because, as Eagles running back Brian Westbrook learned on Sunday, the “strap” part of the device can impede downfield progress. Specifically, Ravens linebacker Antwan Barnes used Westbrook’s strap to bring the tailback down behind the line of scrimmage. “I think it’s a testament to the resiliency of some of the football equipment that they’re putting out now,” Baltimore coach John Harbaugh said. The good news for Westbrook, as Taco Bill points out, is that the incident has put him in line for a new endorsement opportunity. Finally, if pulling a guy down from the back of the jersey is called a “horse collar tackle,” what label should be used for yanking a player to the ground via the strap of his jock? We open the floor to PFT Planet for suggestions.