1. Eagles (5-0; No. 1): The best teams avoid trap games. The Eagles barely did.
2. Bills (4-1; No. 2): The best way to avoid losing a close game is to never be in one.
3. Chiefs (4-1; No. 3): At Kansas City in prime time, you need to build a bigger lead than 17-0 to beat these Chiefs.
4. Cowboys (4-1; No. 6): The Doomsday Defense is back. Just in time for actual doomsday, unfortunately.
5. Buccaneers (3-2; No. 7): Jerome Boger has added an 11th Commandment. Thou Shalt Not Touch No. 12.
6. Ravens (3-2; No. 9): If the Ravens can get more total team efforts, they can be one of the best teams in the league.
7. 49ers (3-2; No. 11): There’s one team in the NFC that could give the Eagles all they could handle in the playoffs. And that’s this team.
8. Giants (4-1; No. 15): Go ahead and say it’s not sustainable. While they sustain it.
9. Packers (3-2; No. 4): At tea time in London, did Aaron pour himself some ayahuasca?
10. Titans (3-2; No. 12): Just like last year, they quietly plug away.
11. Vikings (4-1; No. 14): This feels like a house of cards that could be knocked down with the gust from one solid SKOL clap.
12. Jets (3-2; No. 16): On their way to improving enough to become contenders next year, they could end up becoming contenders this year.
13. Bengals (2-3; No. 8): Like the other Super Bowl team, they’re 2-3. Unlike the other Super Bowl team, they still have a realistic chance to eventually get back there this year.
14. Dolphins (3-2; No. 5): It may be the Skylar Thompson show against the Vikings on Sunday.
15. Chargers (3-2; No. 18): They need to come up with a word to reflect trying to lose but still winning.
16. Patriots (2-3; No. 24): The preseason is finally over for the Patriots.
17. Rams (2-3; No. 13): By the time the offensive line gets healthy, Matthew Stafford may be in a wheelchair.
18. Jaguars (2-3; No. 10): They won’t be taken seriously until they can consistently beat the Texans.
19. Colts (2-2-1; No. 25): The permanent glue-factory tour has been delayed, for now.
20. Falcons (2-3; No. 17): They could make things very interesting come January.
21. Browns (2-3; No. 19): They’re losing too many games they should win.
22. Saints (2-3; No. 27): Every once in a while, the Saints remember what they have in Taysom Hill.
23. Cardinals (2-3; No. 21): The NFL has caught up with Kliff Kingsbury.
24. Seahawks (2-3; No. 22): The offense is better than it’s been in years. Too bad the defense stinks.
25. Broncos (2-3; No. 20): Russ must be cooking Meatloaf, because the Broncos are already praying for the end of his contract.
26. Bears (2-3; No. 23): Someone should have told them the game wasn’t over once they erased a 21-3 deficit and took the lead.
27. Raiders (1-4; No. 29): The bye is here, and the schedule sets up for a run.
28. Texans (1-3-1; No. 32): Good news! You can trade in your Deshaun Watson jersey for a new one. Bad news! There’s no one currently on the team whose jersey you would want instead.
29. Steelers (1-4; No. 26): The Steelers are usually at their best when everyone thinks they’ll be at their worst. This time, they may simply be at their worst.
30. Lions (1-4; No. 30): When you hit rock bottom, keep biting.
31. Commanders (1-4; No. 31): After what Ron Rivera said, why not bench (or cut) Carson Wentz and roll with Sam Howell?
32. Panthers (1-4; No. 28): Is the interim gig a reward or a punishment for Steve Wilks?