SUNDAY MORNING ONE-LINERS

Larry Felser of the Buffalo News compares the Bills to a choking victim and WR Terrell Owens to a man who knows the Heimlich maneuver. Have the Dolphins done enough in the offseason to keep pace with the Patriots? Said Patriots WR Joey Galloway’s agent Shawn Trell, “Playing with [QB] Tom Brady, [WR] Randy Moss and [WR] Wes Welker is certainly compelling and was clearly part of the decision-making process.” The Jets begin their offseason workout program on Monday. Said Titans radio broadcaster Mike Keith of Ravens CB Chris Carr, “Some guys just play a position, and some guys play football. Chris runs back punts, he runs back kicks. He can help you out in coverage. He’s a good football player and a quality guy.” Bengals LB Dhani Jones believes his travels around the world to try different sports makes him a better football player. Tony Grossi of the Cleveland Plain-Dealer reports that the Browns may spend nearly $2 million to make changes to their facilities requested by coach Eric Mangini. [Editor’s note: Among other things, a deep fryer will be installed in Mangini’s office.] James Walker of ESPN.com thinks former Steelers CB Bryant McFadden signing with the Cardinials will be “a win-win for both organizations.” John McClain of the Houston Chronicle writes that Texans CB Jacques Reeves is better than fans think. [Editor’s note: That really doesn’t take much.] Colts DT Raheem Brock opened a Wingstop restaurant in Philadelphia. A judge ruled that a lawsuit alleging Jaguars WR Dennis Northcutt arranged the beating of his pregnant ex-girlfriend can proceed. The Titans reportedly discussed a trade for WR Torry Holt before he was released by the Rams. Said Broncos DE Elvis Dumervil, “Something brand new that can get us back to having a good defense in Denver like we had our first [six] games my rookie year.” A look at how the struggles of the newspaper industry could impact coverage of the Chiefs. Gwen Knapp of the San Francisco Chronicle thinks the Raiders missed a chance to own the high road in their spat with former coach Lane Kiffin. Said Chargers C Nick Hardwick of the thought of seeing RB LaDainian Tomlinson in another team’s jersey, “It would be so gross.” [Editor’s note: Even Andre Smith agrees.] Former Cowboys RB Ron Springs remains in a coma, but friends and family report signs of progress. Former Giants LB Sam Huff is trying to organize a group to purchase the Greenbrier resort in West Virginia. Eagles RB Brian Westbrook is trying to prove his drop in productivity in 2008 was an aberration. [Editor’s note: Isn’t the word “amorition”?] Redskins coach Jim Zorn believes DT Albert Haynesworth will make the other players on defense better. David Haugh of the Chicago Tribune calls the Bears defense, with one new starter, “the most secure mediocre defense in the league.” Wake Forest LB Aaron Curry is excited about the Lions trade for Julian Peterson, even if it means he’d move inside if the Lions select him first overall. Packers defensive coordinator Dom Capers told DE Aaron Kampman not to get hung up about playing at any particular weight this season. Said Vikings QB Tarvaris Jackson, “I can only go by what someone tells me and [coach Brad Childress] told me it would be an open competition and that’s the way I’m looking at it.” If the Falcons sign TE L.J. Smith, they’d likely look at other positions come the draft. Even though he’s a free agent, LS Jason Kyle will cast the Panthers’ vote for the next NFLPA head. Jeff Duncan of the New Orleans Times-Picayune uses Saints receivers Marques Colston and Lance Moore as examples of why the 40-yard dash is overrated. Gary Shelton of the St. Petersburg Times thinks the Buccaneers should make a bid for Broncos QB Jay Cutler. Darren Urban of the Arizona Cardinals website doesn’t think RB Jason Wright would be a “sexy signing,” but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The Rams’ secondary has taken shape through the first few weeks of free agency. Matt Barrows of the Sacramento Bee doesn’t think the 49ers can rely on WR Dominique Ziegler. Said Seahawks president Tim Ruskell of DT Cory Redding, “We liked him coming out of Texas because of his versatility to play inside and out and also because of the type of person he is. This gives us another big, physical presence along the defensive line and someone we can play at multiple positions.”