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5 Olympics reality TV shows we’d like to see

Ryan Lochte Portrait Session

Ryan Lochte Photo Shoot on June 16, 2011 in Santa Clara, California.

Ezra Shaw

First Michael Phelps signed up for “The Hank Haney Project,” and now he’s contemplating “Dancing with the Stars.” Busy guy. We’re happy to see Phelps enjoying his life away from the pool and figure it might be fun to see other Olympians in their natural (scripted) habitat. Here’s a list of hypothetical reality shows we’d love to see Olympians star in.

“Nathan Adrian: Community Lifeguard!”
This one is simple: Nathan Adrian spends the summer lifeguarding near his college in Berkeley. We’d want to eventually dive into his dating life, but unfortunately this show would only last two episodes after dozens of Bay Area housewives nearly drown themselves hoping Adrian rescues them and offers his services in the art of mouth-to-mouth.

“McKayla Maroney is not Impressed”
This could go one of two ways: either McKayla Maroney spends her days complaining about roughly everything (ala “My Super Sweet Sixteen”) or she helps high school girls “better” themselves by giving them makeovers with help from her own Fab Five. Tell me you’re not watching. And if you just said, “Yeah, I’m not watching,” then you’re a liar.

“Ryan Hall: Life is Hard”
This one is just like “Dirty Jobs” with Mike Rowe (a favorite), but instead, marathoner Ryan Hall just decides that all the jobs are too difficult and quits halfway through. The only reason anyone watches is to discover the new and exciting excuses he makes up to back out of things that he’s more than qualified to do, much like every other marathon he’s in. There could even be some at-home wagering.

“Handball USA”
Funded by the USOC (because handball is the one Olympic sport our country is 1000 percent terrible at), this is a show where professional athletes who flame out of other sports work with former NFL QB and handball enthusiast Jake Plummer to create a super team for the Rio Games. Appearances by Dontrelle Willis, Greg Oden, and the newly unemployed Chad Johnson.

“Ryan Lochte: Jeah!”
Billed as a lifestyle show where Ryan Lochte dates beautiful women, starts a clothing line, and attempts to speak more than three words of English without getting a blank look on his face, instead it just serves as a reason for us to watch him gain 300 pounds as he continues telling everyone how much of a “rockstar” he is. Eventually there’s a Kardashian crossover and TV ceases to be a thing people watch.

(*If you actually happen to contemplate producing any of these shows, just know they’re the property of Matthew Kitchen and Aaron Stern and one of us is a black belt.)

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