1. 49ers (3-0, last week No. 2): They are starting to look like a team of destiny.
2. Dolphins (3-0, No. 3): They are starting to look like a team of destiny.
3. Eagles (3-0, No. 4): The Eagles should have been wearing one of those Honolulu blue ski masks when stealing D’Andre Swift from the Lions.
4. Chiefs (2-1, No. 5): Something something title of a Taylor Swift song.
5. Cowboys (2-1, No. 1): “Thank you for not saying, ‘How ‘bout them Cowboys?’”
6. Bills (2-1, No. 7): If the defense keeps playing like it has, they could trade Josh Allen for Zach Wilson and still win.
7. Seahawks (2-1, No. 10): Do they deserve to be this high? Well, if not them then who?
8. Lions (2-1, No. 11): Fortunately for Jared Goff, he’s not paid for his leaping ability.
9. Steelers (2-1, No. 12): More George Pickens, more Jaylen Warren, more wins.
10. Ravens (2-1, No. 6): So much for that super-easy September schedule.
11. Browns (2-1, No. 17): De-fense and De-shaun were more than enough for a team that seemed lost in Week 2.
12. Packers (2-1, No. 18): Where have all the “Packers are gonna stink” people gone?
13. Falcons (2-1, No. 16): Even though they lost, they’re still looking like potential contenders.
14. Colts (2-1, No. 24): Nearly 40 years after they snuck out of Baltimore, the Colts showed up and stole the home team’s lunch money.
15. Buccaneers (2-1, No. 14): As long as they win the games they should win, they’ll be fine.
16. Commanders (2-1, No. 15): “That boy is an I-N-T.”
17. Saints (2-1, No. 19): It’s time for Jameis Winston to shine. Or fail miserably trying.
18. Jaguars (1-2, No. 8): This isn’t the kind of start that will get taxpayers willing to fork over a billion dollar for stadium renovations.
19. Bengals (1-2, No. 21): They took one hell of a risk in playing Joe Burrow. And it took plenty of work to get the reward.
20. Chargers (1-2, No. 22): The Chargers out Vikings-ed the Vikings.
21. Cardinals (1-2, No. 32): Think of how good they could be if their offseason decisions prioritized winning this year.
22. Texans (1-2, No. 31): They found their quarterback, and they unexpectedly found a win that could get things moving in the right direction.
23. Patriots (1-2, No. 26): Thanks to the Jets, Bill Belichick has a good chance to avoid landing in the AFC East basement for the first time since 2000.
24. Rams (1-2, No. 23): When you punt with six minutes left on fourth and 5 while down by 10 points, you don’t deserve to win.
25. Titans (1-2, No. 20): The Titanic encountered something other than an iceberg in the Cuyahoga River.
26. Giants (1-2, No. 13): Last year is officially over.
27. Jets (1-2, No. 9): This year is officially over.
28. Vikings (0-3, No. 25): The Vikings out-Chargered the Chargers.
29. Raiders (1-2, No. 27): Death, taxes, and Jimmy G getting injured.
30. Panthers (0-3, No. 30): Is it too late to sign Cam Newton again?
31. Broncos (0-3, No. 28): Fortunately for the Broncos and their fans, weed is legal in Colorado.
32. Bears (0-3, No. 29): Is there anyone Kevin Warren won’t be firing?